I recently asked God to help me really know his grace in my life, to be able to experience it to a degree that I could accept it and in turn I could learn to have more grace for others. It wasn't even a proper prayer that I prayed (although what is a proper prayer…) it was what I refer to as a 'thought prayer'. I didn't spend hours meditating over it or seeking out deep wisdom. I didn’t endure sleepless nights or hours of pleading to God on my knees. I merely 'thought' to myself 'God I want to really know your grace for me and in my life'. That was it and I didn't think too much else of it. He was listening. I think when I imagined knowing more of God's grace I thought it would come in a lovely package all tied up with pretty ribbons and full of wonderful gifts; metaphorically speaking of course. I imagined I would experience his all encompassing love, feel so blessed and be overflowing with grace for others and praise for life around me, in short I think I imagined that knowing his grace would be something sweet and pleasant. It wasn't.
Shortly after my 'thought prayer' a situation arose in my life which has been very painful to deal with. I found myself in a place where I was hurting, lonely, angry, insecure and wondering how I could trust people again. At the time I did not fully realise what was happening but looking back now I can only see one thing that kept me, that held me, that got me through and got me outside the other side – grace. It was the grace of God that didn’t come in a pretty pink box with ribbons and balloons attached but came with hurt and pain, it came with tears and sleepless nights, and it was the grace of God that began slowly to take that all away and begin to heal. God took me on a painful, but character shaping, journey which taught me that my trust should be in him and him alone, and he won't EVER let me down. He showed me that, as so often we hear and read and say, it really is true that only through suffering comes strength, only through breaking down comes the rebuilding.
He really did answer my prayer when I asked to know his grace in my life; I have known and felt and seen his grace to such a degree that I can only try and look upon others with that same grace. God often doesn't reveal to us things in the way we expect or sometimes ask him to but thankfully he knows best.
